thoughts: 05:27



RIMAS!!! 

I AM SO SLEEPY SO I WENT TO BED LIKE 2 HOURS AGO AND WHAT AM I DOING RIGHT NOW???!?!?!???

2HOURS!!!!

THIS OVERTHINKING GOTTA STOP BECAUSE I AM SO RIMAS UGH

SO FCKG ANNOYING!!!!










being heartless is so much easier 


thoughts : 02:58


langgar prinsip.

tahap ego menjunam rendah.

sudah semakin bodoh.




thoughts: 13:16


so he whispered "fy... i like you" 



thoughts : 03:14


i caught myself smiling...

thoughts : 00:17


aku sangka depression aku sudah hilang terkubur, aku silap.


aku ingat aku semakin kuat, aku salah








tak sangka...



















rupanya makin teruk




thoughts : 00:09


kalau kali ini aku pentingkan diri aku sendiri? salah ke? dulu, semuanya aku buang. dulu, i left them hanging. dulu, i do believe that i could handle all of this by myself. dulu, i dont give a shit bout what people said behind my back. dulu, i always said "its okay fy its fine youre stronger than you think youll be alright" even its hurt. i dont care. i just dont care anymore. but, when i saw her, it really hit me. her smile... i felt guilty. what if she knows? then what? am i responsible? kalau aku dekat tempat dia, ill be furious.

you gotta do something. think fy, think!

but then again, salah ke kalau kali ini aku pentingkan diri aku sendiri?




when you gotta do what you gotta do


"weh fy, teman aku study malam ni" -SAF

"okay. mana?"

"hmm mana best eh"

"kepci? peaceful sikit tapi kalau nak lama mekdi? ke 7e?"

"jadahnya 7e. mamak jea senang sikit haha"

"okay"



but then, few days later...

just because the mamak tutup (idk y), other kedai mamak was full of people and went to mcd but got kicked out so we had no other choice we went to...? 


yup, 7e guys. 

we literally did our discussion/assignment there! 

epic 😂


thoughts : 02:29


tiba tiba rasa lebih baik aku pendam semua masalah aku daripada aku membebankan orang lain dengar cerita aku...

like they also got their own problem kan?

so kenapa aku nak tambah lagi?!

true or true?

tolong jangan misinterpret antara ganggu dan ambil berat


nukilan hari ini bukan nak merungut pasal sesiapa tapi hanya self reminder. kalau kau baca ini dan dapat input atau terkesan sampai ke otak maka, alhamdulillah. this is my blog anyway i write what i want and if you nak argue, do contact me. everything @fifyehaa



first of all, do highlight my title. bc this gonna be long explanation (maybe)

well, friendzone bukan satu benda yang baru. kalau kau pernah rasa, please know that it is okay. percayalah cakap aku benda itu adalah lesson terbaik untuk kau. jangan sedih. jangan bodoh jadi depress tak tentu pasal. don't take it the wrong way. be positive! take it as a mistake and perbaiki la.

how? ask yourself. what did i do wrong?

contoh la, si senah friendzone abu. abu sepatutnya tanya diri dia, mana silap aku? cari.

thats why you need a good friend / anyone who can advice you who can tell you what to do or instead of doing this you should do this and this tell her that this etc.

now, kita tolak tepi pasal physical. trust me, muka cantik tak bawa ke mana. muka buruk pun tak semestinya hati pun buruk.

make friends tu sangat penting. of course theres pros and cons. pepandai la kau handle. lain orang lain cara dia berkawan. and it doesn't matter kau bergaul dengan siapa. tapi. as my title said tolong jangan misinterpret antara ganggu dan ambil berat.



berbalik kepada cerita contoh, abu kene friendzone. the next day, kalau abu text senah

"...how was your day? dah makan? kalau belum jom i belanja lunch..." 

as a friend, abu ambil berat. he just being nice, you know.

kalau dalam context abu sebagai ex atau orang yang dibenci, senah akan anggap macam abu telah  menganggu hidup dia.



flirting itu lain. ambil berat itu lain. ganggu itu lain. please differentiate dy/dx.

my point is, jangan jadi bodoh. thats all. thank you.



tak, not yet, i do have a point actually, which is, again, jangan jadi bodoh. thats all thank you.




okay la aku tak nak entry ni jadi bullshit.

but seriously, like i said dont be stupid and what i really mean is that kalau dia kawan yang baik, dia always ambil berat. dia always wanted you to be happy. and honest and loyal dalam friendship. if you know that he/she really likes you and you dont feel the same way, then dont bagi harapan. ini la sebetulnya maksud bodoh aku tadi. 3 kali bodoh tu aku dah bagi terang.

do not wasting your fucking valuable time on someone that dont deserves it. and kalau kene friendzone, itu hint sebenarnya bodoh. basically ia bermaksud go away. oh dont get me wrong, tadi aku suruh positive now you said go away pula. yes go away. tapi go away to another person. ambil mistake kau tu bawa dan try dekat manusia lain. bunga bukan sekuntum. kalau dah habis semua bunga tanam lagi (maksud aku tunggu) dan ikan bukan sekor. lautan sangat luas. apalagi? perigi cari timba? eh dah lain, takleh (topic itu kita buka lain hari)

okay. thank you for reading my nonsense-random-bullshit thoughts. i do appreciate your time.



thoughts : 21:57


takpe, nanti dah susah and need my help you know where to find me, kan? 



...

thoughts : 2:17am

 
theres so many things going on my mind right now




hais




how i wish you (my happy pills) were here

and how i wish i could listen every single day your silly jokes your nonsense thoughts

i wish






haihhh 

malu la cilaka betul





ye, memang malang. seminggu bontot aku lebam nak duduk pun susah sebab sakit sangat

tapi, malu tu lagi banyak dari sakit

ah, cilaka


#BoomersRoadTrip


well, this time we went to Penang. yayyy. and i guess this third trip was the most challenging trip ever! yayyy. nuh-huh. why? idk how to explain but basically theres problem with the car we rented and the weather... oh god, sampai banjir kot!

but then, i must say it was unforgettable memories! we had a lots and lots of good laughs, and had a nice time catching up, andand as usual we sempat played our tradition games (silent killer). we went to some places, eat a lot of foods, and checked in at the coolest apartment ever! so, fair enough, i guess?
 

                              

                              

                             

                             

                             

                       
                             


13-15 Sept 2017

ps :
oh, additional, what exactly happened to us was quite similar to this story.

pss :
nak baca version lain, head to blog syami and he also uploaded a  video . of. us.

psss :
i should post entry like this more often okbye

pssss :
first trip >> jb
second trip >> pd


thoughts : 10:56pm


aku bukan nak cakap kau bodoh tapi kau memang bodoh pun. kenapa? sebabnya kau tanya benda yang sebenarnya kau dah tahu. 

tapi kau ada pandai sikit la. kenapa? sebab kau tanya aku banyak kali. kau putar belit sampai aku jawab. nak dengar dari mulut aku sendiri. kan? 

jadi, aku tipu kau. puas hati tak dengan jawapan aku? 

bodoh. 

thoughts : 2:05am


"kau kene cari boyfriend ni fy"

AND ALL I DID WAS SAID HI TO THEM???




sucks


okay i gotta admit i am suck at almost everything i do

i am. ok lets face it 





then what should i do?

sorry?

give up? 

kill myself? 




cut the matchmaking bullshit and leave your single friend alone will ya?


stop matchmaking me w your friends or your relatives or stranger god-knows-who

i knew you guys just being nice

and care

and worry

bout me but i doing just fine

and you knew that!

didnt you?!

so cut the crap!!!








okay? okay.



thoughts : 12:53pm


yes, good to know that my brain does not giving up

well, not yet. 





but my body does

bila dah bodoh tak faham hint orang


ye, aku mengelak soalan kau

kenapa?

sebab aku tanak kau tahu apa apa.

itu pun tak faham?






ye, aku tipu kau. 

kenapa?

sebab aku malu.

masih tak faham? 






jika tak
betul la, kau masih bodoh






thoughts : 4:10am


aku diam tak bermakna aku hilang

aku tak upload gambar tak bermakna aku tak appreciate atau tak pergi tempat tu

aku senyum tak bermakna aku suka

aku bising marah tak bermakna aku menyampah







hidup aku, pandai la aku uruskan. 

okay? okay. 

thoughts : 3:21am


jauhhh sudut hati yang paling dalam 




aku nak quit.

i like him...


because :

1) he listened 
2) he understanding 
3) he matured enuf
4) has calm personality 
5) smart
6) fair-skinned
7) gentleman 
8) got own style
9) pandai cari duit! 



eventho :

1) not funny
2) pendek! 
3) halaa kurus keciknya badan
4) young!
5) tak solat
6) and... got gf 



IM SO DONE



thanks for humiliating me!


yes, aku kata aku tak marah.

and i meant it.

why? bc i did not read those things. masatu.





but yesterday, when she asked me... i froze...

why? bc aku malu!

it was so embarrassed that i want to die!





and yes, now i am mad.

and i mean it.

thoughts : 1:01am


i cannot forget bout em

whyyyyyyy

whyyyy

why

????!?!!?????




this is so disturbinggggg

bukan tanak mengaku.


setan dah takde, dan aku masih malas. 









tapi aku bukan pemalas.


your best friend becomes your boyfriend/girlfriend



apa pros and cons ada serious relationship (baca: date) dengan best friend sendiri?
pros: dah kenal. selesa. already know how to communicate or handle dia. know her/his fav/nay. kawan kawan kau kawan kawan dia jugak. etc
cons: already know your past. feeling kene berubah dan awal awal jadi satu relationship yang awkward. scope kawan jadi situ situ je. etc


saya lelaki. dan saya selalu buat that girl jadi best friend dulu, baru ajak date. pernah kene friendzone dan pernah juga diterima.
diterima tu, lucky you. mungkin kau handsome.
so best tak kene friendzone? learn la from that. it means tak semua orang boleh terima cara kita. and you ruined your friendship! congrats, bro.


tapi best apa bestfriend bila jadi boyfriend/girlfriend. bc they already know your weaknesses, dia more understanding, and no need to cover-kelakukan phase.
okay, that one aku agree. but you have to remember, kau kawan dengan bestfriend kau sebab nak kawan ke nak kawen?! ikhlas kau kawan dengan dia sebab apa? sebab dia handsome/lawa? ke sebab "dari mata mu mata mu ku mulai jatuh cinta..."?


the thing is, dah selesa dengan best friend kau...
isnt it more exciting get to know other people? i mean, maybe dengan orang lain pun kau selesa. ajak borak kejap je dah macam kenal for years. so belum cuba belum tahu. bosan la asyik best friend pergi teman makan, dia jugak kau ngadu nasib, dia jugak la date kau, dia jugak kau spend the rest of your life with. tak bosan ke?


kau main dengan emotions, fy... it comes naturally. mana boleh paksa! dah tersuka!
so betul lah kan, memang dari awal friendship korang tak ikhlas bc that feeling is already there. true or true?


apa effect after break up dengan best friend? and how to handle it?
of course friendship korang akan more awkward or ruined or worst which is jadi stranger. if you are matured enough, then kau handle benda tu pun secara nicely la. slow talk for instance. and careful bila berkawan dengan opposite sex.


so sebenarnya bagus ke tak relationship mcmni?
depends. bagus ke tak tu subjective. my opinion, aku tak suka. prinsip aku, best friend stays best friend. if you ruined it, kau akan ke friendzone. gedit? plus, your boyfriend can be your best friend, but not vice versa.





yes, i may not have the experience in relationship, but i do know what it feels like bila best friend confessed and having a feeling towards em.





FRIENDSHIP IS GOOD. DONT CRAP IT UP BY FALLING IN LOVE. 






sorry if entry kali ni a bit cheesy and nak muntah hijau. TAPI AKU RIMAS LA KAU NAK KAWAN, KAWAN JELAH TAK PAYAH LA BERCINTA DENGAN DIA!!!


thoughts : 01:23am


sumpah aku menyampah kau

kau boleh berambus dengan kehidupan kau

meluat

tapi aku tak boleh nak buat apa

aku tak boleh ikut perasaan maki kau atau keluar kata kata sarcasm aku

sebab apa?

sebab aku kene jaga perasaan banyak manusia

hati aku, takpe, aku jaga

appreciation post untuk si dua ketul


kawan aku tak ramai yang boleh jadi good listener 

define good listener?

good listener akan dengar apa sahaja yang kau cerita 

dan dia akan bagi opinion benda yang kau nak dengar atau kata lain, pandangan yang berpihak kepada kau

walaupun benda tu salah.

dalam pada masa yang sama, jika dia kawan yang baik, dia akan nasihat

dan aku beruntung aku punya mereka. 

couldn't thank them enough 

couldn't describe how much i appreciate to have em


thoughts : 10:58pm


banyak yang perlu di ungkap,

bersawang meliputi segenap ruang,

kenapa?

entah la...

mengapa?

entah la...

pujuk hati

pujuk diri

lupakan semua yang pasti

betul atau betul?


sekarang,
kau berani tipu orang yang kau sayang,

akan datang,
kau boleh ulang.









tak mustahil kan?


si bodoh.


aku dah cakap, bila kau bercinta dengan manusia kau jadi bodoh

bodoh tak nampak buruk dia

bodoh tutup semua salah dia

bodoh tak pedulikan perasaan orang lain

bodoh hanya sanjung dia sahaja

bodoh.


thoughts : 1:04pm


apalagi dugaan yg akan terhentak medan hidupnya yaAllah

depan lain belakang lain


kenapa lain?

kenapa kau ada empat ratus sepuluh belas personality?!

kenapa kau lain???

kenapa sekejap a sekejap b?

kenapa lain sangat???????












kalau takde buat salah kau takkan takut kau takkan berubah dalam sesaat 

kau hipokrit

aku benci kau



bunga dan kumbang


kalau dah ada yang satu tu, please jaga

jaga hati perasaan nya 

faham kehendak nya

tolong appreciate setiap tingkahnya

tolong jangan sia sia kan peluang yg ada

tolong jangan ada dusta

dan

tolong jangan cari lain

tolong jangan usik hak orang lain

tolong jangan main perasaan mereka

tolong jangan bagi harapan pada mereka

tolong lah










memang ada banyak bunga ; sama, lain 

dan kumbang juga punya sayap untuk terbang 

tapi satu kumbang akan melekat pada satu bunga sahaja 

lama... 

thoughts : 1:09am


kau yg pushed people away

sekarang kau pujuk hati kau sendiri fy

good old days


memori membelenggu minda

di tepis sejenak

di hinggapi kembali

ah sudah! 

jika diratapi pun bukan mereka tahu

hati, sudah lah.

harini aku...


malas

penat

annoyed

pissed off

meluat



halimunan.


aku tahap dah penat appreciate orang.




*mengeluh*





kenapa korang tak boleh bagi aku happy?




*mengeluh*





korang nampak aku tak?


thoughts : 3:38am


cepat la tawar hati

boleh buang segala overthinking ni








tolong la cepat sikit

kebaikan diri


miss J : okay cuba listkan kebaikan diri korang

aku : apa eh kebaikan fy?
L : persuasive 
aku : haha why?
L : idk it seems that you're a persuasive person
aku : ...


thoughts : 11:54pm


AKU BENCI THOUGHTS YANG BERSAWANG DALAM KEPALA AKU SEKARANG NI 

BENCI

BENCI

BENCI

BENCI NAK MAMPUS! 

BENCIIIII 




































kau tak nampak aku ke? 







hais





i wish i could ignore you like you ignore me



thoughts : 1:21am


2017 
tak perlu penuh dengan air mata

2017
bukan tahun untuk jadi lembik

2017
masanya untuk aku lebih heartless 

thoughts : 6:42pm


betapa sakit setiap kali aku terlihat sepasang mata mereka

hina.

jijik.

juzuk fikiran aku berserabut serta merta








ah, persetan semua!


abah xoxo


semalam.
dalam kereta.


aku : jadi ke abah pindah sekolah?

abah : insyaAllah dapat tukar sekolah dalam seremban jugak tapi tunggu confirmation letter la

aku : haa okay la tu

abah : tender toilet pun confirm dapat nanti

aku : alhamdulillah! yesss tahun ni tahun abah haha!

abah : ye, tahun 2017 ni tahun abah *senyum*

aku : (dalam hati syukur yaAllah) semua solat dhuha abah paid off, bah

abah : ... (still acting cool while driving but  i saw he smiled)





i really cannot contain myself with all hardship that abah had gone through. i still remembered the first week betapa deritanya abah betapa seksanya abah keluar rumah pkl 5am balik dah petang dengan penat takde selera makan sangat kene pula warded slipped disc and during this 6 months payahnya abah cari duit service motor duit minyak motor etc etc etc Allahu. i do hope that this year will bring so much rezeki to my family especially abah and may Allah bless abah! 

i love you so much, abah.


sabar boleh?


maybe rezeki aku bukan sekarang

tapi akan datang? pasti.

jangan pernah ragu ragu dengan kuasa tuhan. Dia lebih tahu lebih berkuasa.

sabar itu separuh dari iman, betul?

kerana itu orang yang bersabar dijulang tinggi.

and do something.

sabar tak semestinya equal to diam.

mungkin dalam perbalahan, yes, valid.

but not action.









tapi, kalau la aku manusia yang bersabar...










yang nyata, aku manusia biasa yang sabarnya punya had


...?


what
am
i
doing
with
my
life
??????!?!?!?!?!??

morning person


aku memang bukan morning person. seriously. aku boleh tidur at 4am or lepas subuh and akan bangun of course tengahari paling lambat pkl 3. betapa pemalasnya aku nak hadap pagi haha! but idk sepanjang study week and final week aku maybe dah biasa bangun pagi study subuh tu and tidur pun pkl 9am and bangun balik tghari study. and macam melekat that tidur routine. sangat lah tak percaya dengan diri sendiri yang sekarang ni aku transform jadi morning person. siap addict nak breakfast lagi! incredible fy. dulu, asal amik breakfast je tengahri tu mesti lembik semacam. tapi skrg kalau tak amik breakfast murung sehari. this is a good habit kan? mintak mintak lah kekal! oh yeahhhhh

two k one seven

hello 2k17!!!

happy new year readers! (better late than never right?)

i did not post anything last month since i was too busy with my final examination and stuff. (tomorrow is my last paper and right now i am not in the mood to study haha!) but, believe me i do write sometimes unfortunately i never finished em. so i saved it as drafts (plural). ugh

okay lets recap. so 2016 has been a great year. highlight of the year was; i managed to complete my diploma and currently studying for a degree. and i went to Sydney with my family and a couple other places with my friends. plus i had really amazing birthday celebration, last month, from family and friends eventhough they did not throw a big suprise birthday party for me, but still as i remembered last year for the first time i got three suprises... in a week! thats really sweet! really appreciate it. thank you so much for made my day either happy or worse, whoever you are, thank you!!

and just so you know life is not always rainbows and butterflies. as a normal human being, i made a lot of mistakes. and i always wanted to forget everything i did wrong (especially over my stupidness behaviour) and move on. also i wished i could apologize to everyone ergh why is it so hard to apologize?! this ego is killing me! (what a drama queen). if you ever reach this point, congratulations on wasting your time reading this rubbish! and i would like to take this opportunity to say i am truly sorry if i ever wrote that might be offensive to you i really didn't mean to :) peace.

oh new year resolutions. well, again, nothing.

have a nice day folks!